Insomnia

I achieved a lot today-got up earlier, doing my best to fight the inescapable tiredness brought on by the cancer treatment I'm on currently. Got a letter in to the Govt benefit body to notify them of changes in my rent, then indulged myself and drove to my favourite craft supply shop and purchased way too many fabric samples for my patchwork. I find I am really enjoying it at the moment. Certainly if the level of motivation continues, I will soon have it finished, and will perhaps begin another.

Tonight I really miss my father, who has been gone now for two years. I feel I have only ever focussed on the irritating and guilt-laden times when he was alive. I should not be doing this. I'm sure this happens to us all. Things we know we should have said, times together we could have made more of.

I am very glad that I included photos from happy times in my earlier childhood with my sisters in the commemorative book I compiled for my mothers 80th birthday. As I wad preparing it, putting them all in chronological order, many of them stirred clear memories for me.

Now as I come to terms with my cancer journey, this morning (it's 1.30am and I am in pain as well as dwelling on unkind thoughts I have harboured about my disposition sometimes with my father in the past.) I probably would have been resentful, angry and bitter if I had suffered like he did. My cancer journey is much mor easy to bear in comparison.

This blog entry has all but turned out like a counseling session! Good to get it out no doubt. And my physical pain? Might need to visit the hospital earlier than planned to relieve the fluid pressure. I'll see what tomorrow brings.

I am eternally grateful for my friends-one of whom collected my dinner and her own, and ate with me tonight. Was feeling good then. Will look forward to a spring fair by the lake she suggested we attend on Sunday.

Now I must try and sleep.